remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
