No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
