hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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