By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
