you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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