i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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