Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
