He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
