he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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