take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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