I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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