You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
