I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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