happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
