Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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