I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
