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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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