Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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