I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
