Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
