She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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