Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
