I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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