So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
