yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
