Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
