My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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