I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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