wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
