So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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