Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
