I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
