spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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