JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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