I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
