Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
