I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
