so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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