How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
