Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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