my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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