I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
