I will die if light touches me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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