And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
