I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I enjoy the company of your penis
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
