I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
smell my finger.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
