Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
