don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
