masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
