did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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