using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
