Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
