Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
