theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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