I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
